


Stumble

by StonedFool (SoberJester)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Aftermath, Altered Mental States, Captivity, Gen, Mental Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Triggers, Unwilling Pet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-28
Updated: 2012-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoberJester/pseuds/StonedFool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every day you could, you worked towards finding him. Sometimes, you had to abstain because somebody would force you to perform regular human things, like shower or eat or sleep, but most of the time you'd be looping through timelines, trying to follow long-cold trails without pulling yourself out of the alpha. You'd promised. No more dead Daves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stumble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uglysockmonkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uglysockmonkey/gifts).
  * Inspired by [learning to stand](https://archiveofourown.org/works/323203) by [Monkey (uglysockmonkey)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uglysockmonkey/pseuds/Monkey). 



> It took me far too long to finish editing this, and even then it's been forever since I finished. I was just too useless to upload it. Sorry, guys.

Life was different without him.

He'd been gone for more than two years, stolen away by the woman he'd grown up hating. He'd known the whole time that she was an evil bitch, and yet she'd gotten him anyway. And everything was so...fucking... _different_.

 The most obvious difference to you was that Jade never smiled. Losing him had broken her somehow. She really had believed that you would all survive this. And you had. But he was gone. You knew it. Rose knew it. Jade knew it. She'd tried to fucking hide it. You'd been pissed. The trolls even fucking knew it, and more than one of them had gotten to the point where more than one had offered to be her moirail. From what you understood of their fucked up romantic shit, that meant it looked pretty bad to them. Rose had filled the role as best as she could, though. Kanaya often helped her, and more often than not you wondered how much all of this had affected your sis.

Every day you could, you worked towards finding him. Sometimes, you had to abstain because somebody would force you to perform regular human things, like shower or eat or _sleep_ , but most of the time you'd be looping through timelines, trying to follow long-cold trails without pulling yourself out of the alpha. You'd promised. No more dead Daves.

During your small mockery of a birthday party, just for the three of you, you'd huddled together at the island with a fourth seat left open. You'd had one small pie to share, because the very sight of cake made you physically ill these days. Sixteen candles flickered, jammed in close and hot in the tiny pastry—and just like every year, you all wished to have him back in time for Christmas and blew out the candles.

A few days later, Vriska had picked up a lead and had contacted you far faster than you'd have expected. You supposed that John was something special for all of you, in a way. Even if it was different from one person to the next.

It didn't matter what her motivations were, though, because you'd found him. You snuck into the private little ship she was using as a 'vacation' cruiser and stormed in. You weren't the one to kill her. Not any one of you really was, in a matter of speaking. It took a little over a dozen of you to subdue her and her guards, and you just kept hitting her until she eventually died on her feet in the middle of an attack.

The look on Feferi's face when seen her ancestor drop had been somewhat disturbing. The girl was a little unbalanced sometimes, but she was bubbly and tried to keep spirits up even though she practically burst into tears when you squished bugs. If you'd had one, you're sure she wouldn't have let you flush a dead goldfish down a toilet. She preached equality, and mostly practiced it. And yet you'd never seen her appear more... _satisfied_  wasn't the word, but it was the best you could come up with for her expression when she had stared down at that slashed and bullet-riddled corpse.

Good. Better than her weeping and crying over an evil witch.

While the young aquatic troll claimed her crown and demanded respect as the new empress, forcing the other fights to a halt, you'd slipped away. Karkat had moved to follow you, probably intent on finding Egbert first, but he'd been called back to rein in Gamzee before he escaped Equius' armlock. You'd been somewhat thankful, wanting to have your stupid moment before everybody flooded in and stole your friend. It hadn't taken you much longer to find John a few rooms deeper into the ship. He'd been curled up on the floor by her goddamn asshole throne.

Seeing his eyes again brought tears to your own, hidden behind shades that now sported a hairline crack through one lens. A similar crack had gone through your heart when vague recognition had fluttered through those wide blue pools, and he'd tried and failed to pronounce your name. Almost as if he couldn't remember what it was. As if he couldn't remember how to string sounds together into words.

As if he couldn't remember who you were.

* * *

John had been curled into a ball and swimming in and out of consciousness since they found him. He'd started to scream in his sleep on the way back, and Dave had felt completely useless trying to comfort his friend. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and had simply wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into his lap, holding him close and refusing to let go as he screamed and thrashed. By time the brunette finally began to calm and relax against him, he'd begun to wonder if he was doing more harm than good. A few minutes of quiet followed. Dave wondered if he was just forcing complacency out of the other teen.

Feeling guilty, he'd tried to slip away once he was sure John was okay, but John had simply latched onto him and refused to let go. The blond had surrendered without much of a fight. The thing that made him feel even worse was the realization that even in his sleep, John responded to any negative sounds he made. He was sure that if he would bolt if he made any real indication of discontent, and his heart clenched. He looked up, raw emotion showing on his face, shining in his bared eyes. He'd dropped his poker face back in the throne room and he hadn't been able to regain it since.

Rose looked torn between heartbreak and intense interest towards studying John's present psyche, and Dave could tell that she hated herself for not being able to flush that part of herself away while she grieved for their missing friendleader. (Well, sure, they found him in theory. But he wasn't John anymore.)

The teen shoved that idea away as soon as it appeared in his mind, angry at himself for even coming up with it. _This is still John, you stupid fuck. He's just buried under years of trauma and abusive 'training.'_

A sniff reminded him that he was staring blankly at his ecto sister, and she and Jade are both staring back at him. He shifted his eyes a little, taking in Jade's ruffled appearance. The once eternally optomistic and happy girl—the girl that once lived on an island with nothing but a dog for company—looked so terribly sad and lonely, tears half-formed in her eyes with one hand clutching Rose's. John whimpered and pressed his face closer to Dave's chest. She let out an ugly sob and jerked to her feet, running from the room. Rose sighed and rose as well, hesitating. "Will you be alright with him if he wakes up, Dave?"

_No. Please don't leave. He's turned into a pet. A puppet. I fucking hate puppets, they're terrifying. I don't think I can handle it._

He hesitated, the words frozen on his lips. Jade needed her, and they both knew it.

Rose's eyebrows pinched and she opened her mouth, but Dave inhaled unevenly and nodded. "Go." She nodded back and closed the distance between them, reaching out to squeeze his shoulders and kiss his forehead in that overly maternal manner that her troll girlfriend thing was influencing her with. Then she was gone, the door closing behind her. Despite himself, Dave relaxed. Something wet began to run down his cheeks, but it didn't even occur to he that he might be crying until the sobs were wracking his body so hard that John woke up and bolted back. Before Dave could even say anything he was scrambling off the bed and onto his knees, curling around them until his chin was tucked to his chest and his forehead was against the floor, hands and arms covering his head and neck.

A knot formed in Dave's throat and he wanted to curl into a ball of his own and keep crying until he ran out of tears, but he forced himself to breathe deep and calm himself, instead rolling to his knees and crawling to the edge of the bed. "John." The brunette tensed, and almost visibly minimized in size. Dave winced, but tried again anyway. "John, look at me."

Immediately, those fearful eyes appeared, wide and wet and full of terror. Dave had no idea as to why his crying scared John so much, but he quickly wiped his face, got off the bed, and dropped to his knees across from him, trying to move as non-threatiningly as possible. John kept his gaze fixed on Dave, barely blinking. He looked almost feral, waiting for another animal to strike. He relaxed enough for Dave to trust him not to bite him, so he reached a hand out, palm up, unsure of what else to do than do the same tactics one used when confronted with a scared animal. Blue eyes flicked from his face to his hand, then back up, then down, and he eventually inched forward and gave his fingertips the lightest of licks. The blonde almost jerked his hand back, but the memory of how his friend had reacted last time held his arm as still as possible even though the rest of him was trembling in upset at what this poor boy had become and anger at that fucking whore for being the one that had done this to him. Dave pressed his hand closer to John's face to cup his cheek, and he pressed back into the contact just like a—no, fuck, no more animal references. But the closest comparison the older teen could think of for the sound the younger produced was a kitten mewling. Tears stung his eyes again as he shuffled the rest of his body closer to him and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear.

Idly, he noted that they were going to have to find John some new glasses at some point. He don't know his prescription, but he knew that he had been and still was nearsighted. His glasses had probably been taken or simply broken a long time ago. As he mused, his hand shifted to stroke his hair, and the boy was loving it more than an overaffectionate, overzealous cat.

Fucking animal references.

John's stomach growled, but he doesn't seem to notice other than a slight tension in his shoulders. It disappeared again after a moment and it wasn't until later that Dave realized that John had thought he was going to let up on the head rubs just because he was hungry. Lips pursing, he waited a few more moments before drawing his hand away. John visibly fought his look of upset, but Dave rolled back onto his heels. "You hungry, bro?"

John's brows pinched as if he doesn't entirely understand, but a differently pitched kitten noise escapeed him a second later. Dave thought that that meant he was upset until his stomach growled again, so he decided that they were eating whether John acknowledged his hunger or not and stood up. "Come on." He started to the door, and John started to crawl after him. Dave stopped. John stopped. "Bro, get up." It was a clear command for once, and John tensed, but he also looked confused. "John." Panic widened his eyes now at the agitation that must have been showing in his voice, and he went completely rigid when Dave squatted and reached to take his arm and haul him to his feet. Not sure what else to do, he gentled his hands and conrinued to help him up anyway. He only swayed and looked more lost than ever. Dave let him go after a moment and he didn't topple or anything. _Okay. You can do this. Make this hapen._ "Okay, now let's go." He started to the door again, opening it and turning back too make sure John was alright. He wasn't there and Dave almost freaked until he realized he was on his knees a foot from his leg, staring patiently up at him. Dave's frown (and subsequent conscious removal of said frown) reminded him that his head was starting to throb. He crouched and, without bothering to talk at his friend, grabbed him under his pits again and hauled him back up. Then, pulling one of his arms over his shoulders and slipping one of his own slipping around John's waist. "You don't need to crawl, John. Just walk." With that, he navigated him through the door.

He tripped at least three times.

Fuck.

Dave promised himself that once John had something to eat, he was going to reward himself with a quick run to the bathroom to throw up and cry.


End file.
